Balancing Me

Another new year and time to learn something new. Here's the tally so far:

Year One: Learning to Eat Healthier
Partial success. I dropped a bunch of weight, but I'm still working on this one. Last semester I felt like I couldn't take the time to track points on Weight Watchers, so I relied on habit. At least until the holidays, where the habits I relied on were more like the old ones that had left me obese. My eating hasn't been great lately, but I have no reason to believe I cannot get it back on track starting this week, once the chocolate is gone from the house, of course.

Year Two: Learning to Design Sweaters
Partial success. The sweater I decided to work on was mostly designed in 2011, but that's only because I took the last week of the year off from working. I did some designing early in the year, but I couldn't face the wool in the summer when I had time, and the semester from hell got in the way in the fall. But I now have a grasp on what I'm doing, and I'll be finishing this sweater, probably in the next couple of weeks.

So what to do with Year Three?

My reviews of Year One and Year Two gave me the idea -- that and lying in my bed at 5:30am when I'm supposed to be on vacation, but instead I'm thinking about work while I doze. On vacation. After spending the first two days of that vacation feeling like I was doing something wrong because I wasn't working. Yo! Wake up! Something is out of whack here!

Image: Danilo Rizzuti / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

So this is the year I learn balance, something I sorely lack.

Part of my problem is that I love my work. I love my students and my colleagues (ok, most of them). I feel like I make a difference on my campus.

But work took over last semester, and I have a habit of letting that happen. I can always do one more thing. And for the most part, I really can. I'm a flippin' overachiever. Except about taking care of myself. Which is part of what my second half plan is. A way to try the things I want to try. Just because I'm interested.

I was just reading on a friend's blog about how screwed up New Year's resolutions can be. After explaining the limitations of thinking that something real has changed between 11:59pm and 12:00 midnight, she writes, "Goals are useful when they're recognized as components of systemic thought and action. Motivation isn't as much of an extrinsic force as it is a fleeting glimpse of magic." I think she's right. In the past two years, I have found myself imagining my future differently, not as a series of tasks and events, but as a series of adventures and explorations. And there's magic in the way this self-revisioning is changing me. Slowly, surely, and systematically.

During exam week (of course), while I was running (of course) to pick up pizzas for our Writing about Science party and book-planning session, I saw this bumper sticker.

I didn't have time to stop and wait for the driver (of course) to complement her, but the world was telling me pay attention. Day before yesterday, I parked next to her at the library just as she was leaving. I asked her where she got it, and I told her how much I like it.

I'm not a crone yet -- hard to call yourself a crone with two kids still living at home -- but I realized that this is what I'm doing. I'm using the second half of my life to research all these new things that I have wondered about.

I'm only going to do this well if I find balance.Welcome Year Three!

Beginning in the Middle

My church has a part of the service called "Joys and Concerns," where anyone can get up and talk (briefly) about what's going on in their lives. When I turned 45, I told the congregation that the first half of my life had been rough--very rough--and that I was hoping the second half would be better. Several older women came up to me after the service and assured me, with knowing looks, that it would be.

I decided at that birthday, now almost a year and a half past, that I wasn't going to wait to see. I was going to make it better. It's taken me that year-plus to define what this process would mean: in a word, it's learning. I'm an educator by trade and by calling, and what I love most is the learning that goes on in and around me. When I teach new courses or redesign old ones, I get so enthusiastic about what I'm learning and what I get to teach.

So in this blog, and in my second half, I'm actively bringing this learning to the rest of my life.

Last year, I learned how to eat. In January 2010, I joined WeightWatchers online, and I have lost about 50 pounds. I feel better and I look better, and I am even wearing some medium(!)-sized clothing. I haven't seen this weight in about ten or twelve years. I'm not done losing weight (and I'm sure I'll have more to say on the process later), but I believe I have spent a successful year learning about food and eating.

Now it's time for a new learning adventure. This year, I'm going to learn to knit the way I really want to. I already know how to put needles together and make articles of clothing. I've done afghans and shawls and baby blankets and scarves and hats and mittens and socks and sweaters and iPod cases. This year, I want to learn to design knitwear--to make truly customized pieces.

This blog is where I'm going to chronicle this learning adventure, including all the inevitable missteps and celebrations. Those of you who join me here, welcome!